Green with Envy
by ArwendeImladris
Summary: When Jim sleeps with Spock’s old childhood bully, he realizes just where the phrase “green with envy” comes from. Vulcans can be illogically possessive – even when not in a relationship with the subject of their desire. Slash.
1. Chapter 1 of 3

Title: Green with Envy  
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek, and I do not make any money from these fictions.  
Rating: M  
Summary: When Jim sleeps with Spock's old childhood bully, he realizes just where the phrase "green with envy" comes from. Vulcans can be illogically possessive – even when not in a relationship with the subject of their desire. Slash.

*****

Jim would look back on this one day - and he would probably laugh about it.

He was not laughing now, though. He was limping and bleeding and bruised - and he was making the walk of shame through the halls of his ship. The entire crew was going to think that he went ten rounds in a bar - and lost.

It certainly felt like ten rounds - but it was in a private apartment, and Jim had no virginity to lose.

Who knew Vulcans could be so passionate when it came to lovemaking? Spock certainly never seemed that way from what Jim saw of his interactions with Uhura.

But Solhock - Solvock - Sovak? Oh, whatever his name was - he was an animal in the sack.

And unashamedly dominant, as well. Jim hadn't been fucked that well in ages. The sex had been amazing – he just wished that the crew was not there to witness him walking back to his quarters the next morning.

Jim had managed to avoid an awkward morning after with the Vulcan, leaving before he woke up - and the Enterprise would be leaving orbit around New Vulcan in a few hours. He had refrained from complaining when they docked at the colony for shore leave - but only because he knew how important it was for Spock to visit his father - and he had been pleasantly surprised by the experience.

He wouldn't mind coming back, if only to see if all Vulcans were so wild during sex...

"Captain," Uhura acknowledged with a nod. "I just got a transmission from an ambassador's aide - he requested a live conference."

"Estimated time of departure, Mr. Spock?" Jim questioned his first officer.

"The Enterprise will be ready to depart in 1.25 hours, Captain," the Vulcan promptly replied.

"Put him up, Lieutenant," Jim requested, figuring that some diplomat just wanted to wish them a safe journey.

So he started in shock when a very familiar face appeared on screen.

"James," the Vulcan nearly purred.

To the other members of the bridge, it probably seemed like the typical even Vulcan tone. But to Jim, who learned to read Vulcan expressions through his first officer and friend, it practically screamed sex.

And Spock and Uhura knew that as well.

"Fuck," he mumbled to himself.

Not quietly enough.

"I am afraid that this is not the proper place for such activities, James," the Vulcan replied.

Jim swore the bastard was smirking.

"You are addressing the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, and you should not take such liberties as to use his given name, Mister Savak," Spock said stiffly.

Double fuck. Spock obviously knew this guy…

"I have been given liberty to use more than his first name, Spock," the Vulcan replied - with a lascivious smirk.

It might not show on his lips - but Jim could practically feel the waves of smug rolling off him.

"So..." the captain drawled, interrupting the Vulcan glare death-match freezing his bridge into sub-zero temperatures. "Is there something in particular you wished to speak to the Enterprise about?"

Better to get their logical minds back on track - Vulcans were good at being professional.

"I just wanted to wish you a safe journey, James. You did not bid me farewell this morning," Savak stated - again, smugly.

Oh, triple fuck. There was no way that any of the crew missed _that_ implication…

Chekov and Sulu's eyes widened in shock, Uhura frowned in consternation, and Spock looked more expressionless than usual - if that was even possible.

It was going to be all over the ship by departure time that the captain fucked a Vulcan.

He was not looking forward to having _that_ conversation with Bones.

"Mister Savak, please give me a few minutes," Jim respectfully requested – and then paused the transmission before he could get a reply either way. After a few moments of tense silence: "Lieutenant Uhura, please transfer this call to my private quarters."

"Yes, Captain," she responded, turning to the communications console.

"You have the conn, Mister Spock," Jim informed the Vulcan, jumping up from his chair and heading towards the turbolift.

"Captain," Spock responded, moving stiffly to sit in the center seat.

Jim did not look behind him, though he could feel those dark brown eyes drilling a hole into his back. He simply stepped into the turbolift – not even bothering to turn around.

*****

"James," Savak greeted him when Jim opened the channel in his quarters.

"I do not appreciate being embarrassed in front of my crew," the human informed him, blue gaze hard and as cold as ice. "That was completely inappropriate behavior, especially coming from a diplomatic aide."

"Are you going to report me, James?" the dark-haired male asked, and Jim could practically feel the smirk in his voice.

"My title is 'Captain' – and I just might. Our private relations have no impact on our professional lives. I thought a Vulcan would be able to understand that," Jim stated.

A tense silence filled the air – broken by the sound of Jim's door opening.

"Captain," Spock greeted, stepping into the room.

He must have used his override as first officer to get into the room without Jim's permission…

"I thought I gave you the conn, Mister Spock?" Jim uttered, breaking eye contact with the Vulcan on the screen to look at his first officer.

"Mister Sulu will benefit from the experience, and I logically deduced that my presence would be most essential here, Captain," Spock replied stiffly.

"Logically," Savak practically sneered, disdain dripping from his voice. "What would you know about logic, Spock?"

"**Commander** Spock," Jim corrected with a frown. "I do not appreciate your familiarity, Mister Savak."

"Then perhaps you should not have allowed me such familiarity with your body – _Captain_," the Vulcan purred back.

Jim could practically feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.

"That was obviously a mistake on my part," he said tensely. "It will not happen again."

"No, it certainly will not," Savak agreed. "I will be bonded during my next pon farr – and not to such an illogical choice as a human male. Besides, I have no further use for you."

Jim really hated it when someone implied that he was only good for sex.

"Well, excuse me - " he began to protest, but he stopped when Spock placed a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"You acted irrationally, Savak. You should have left the captain out of our quarrel," Spock said stiffly.

"But why would I? Your body language practically sings with your want of him. It is disgusting – do you think that any Vulcan cannot easily recognize your feelings, broadcast so obviously as they are?" Savak spat, distaste dripping from his every word. "You obviously inherited your emotionalism from your whore of a human mother – though perhaps it came from your traitor of a father, as well."

That bastard! Nobody was allowed to insult Spock's mother like that! Jim knew exactly how much it hurt his friend to have her even brought up in a casual conversation – nevermind someone calling her a whore…And with his first officer's hand tightening painfully on his shoulder, Jim knew exactly how much Spock was bothered by the jab to his beloved mother. Savak was lucky he wasn't in the room to be strangled…

"First of all – Lady Grayson was not a whore, and Ambassador Sarek is not a traitor," Jim pointed out before Spock's control snapped, managing to leash his own anger in just enough to argue sensibly and not degenerate to juvenile insults. "And if not for Spock, most of your Vulcan culture – along with your elders – would have perished along with your planet. Second, Spock is one of the most emotionally composed and logical beings I know – Vulcans included. He is certainly more logical than you. What ever happened to infinite diversity in infinite combinations, Mister Savak? Prejudice is irrational – and most certainly unbefitting any involved in diplomacy. You can be sure that the ambassador will be informed of this."

And with that, Jim ended the transmission – refusing to let the Vulcan get another word in. He knew he would not be able to hold his temper any longer.

"That goddamn bastard. Who does he think he is? Insulting you and your family," Jim muttered darkly, scowling at the blank screen. "And he obviously needs to get his head checked. It sounded like he thought you were in love with me or something – and that's seems to be the only reason he slept with me. The bastard."

"Savak's parents were married before his conception," Spock corrected, posture tense. "And I do not believe there was any sleeping involved in your activities, Captain."

Oh shit…Spock had to be _really_ angry to be so forward. Normally his first officer was respectful to Jim no matter what – and he liked to avoid any mention of Jim's carnal activities. He needed to calm Spock down and get them off this subject.

Jim's neck was already tingling in remembered pain…

"You damn well know what I meant, Spock," Jim replied. "He's practically engaged to be married. If I had known that I wouldn't have let him tie me up and fuck me six ways to Sunday."

He mumbled the last bit to himself as he turned to gather a PADD – he needed to send a message to the ambassador – but Spock grabbed his hand, spun him around, and pressed him against the wall.

"Almost all fertile Vulcans are bonded, Captain – we need to repopulate our race. As I have informed you multiple times," Spock said, voice pitched low and face centimeters away from Jim.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Spock," Jim apologized, trying to push Spock away.

It was one thing for Spock to get physical with him when he was a stowaway and Spock was acting captain – it was wholly different for his first officer to push him up against the wall now that _he_ was captain.

If it wasn't for the fact that Spock had been pushed to the limit by the shockingly insulting comments about his mother and father and his supposed lack of logic, he would have had him brought up on charges of insubordination and attacking a superior officer – and Jim was almost angry enough to do it, too.

Actually – that was a lie. Jim would probably just make him talk to a Vulcan mind healer during the next shore leave to get his issues sorted. That was probably not a bad idea anyway…

But that was something to think about later. Right now, Jim just wanted Spock to stop pushing him up against the wall. But his first officer was Vulcan – and thus three times as strong as him.

If he did not want to be moved, he would not be.

"As there were no females involved in the negotiations on New Vulcan, I did not believe that I needed to specifically warn you against intercourse with another of my species, Captain. I carry some fault for making such an assumption," Spock told him tightly.

"You couldn't have known, Spock. I sleep with women a hell of a lot more often than men, and I don't think many people know that I'm bisexual. Now – will you please let me go?"

"No."

"Commander Spock – let me go. That's an order," Jim told him, ceasing his useless physical struggles and resorting to words and rank.

"You may throw me in the brig for insubordination once our discussion is complete, if you wish," Spock replied, dark eyes staring down at him intently.

"I said I'm sorry, Spock. What else do you want from me?" Jim questioned angrily. "Get the hell off me."

He would not stand for being manhandled any longer – his friendship with Spock would only give the half Vulcan so much leeway. When Spock failed move, Jim raised a hand to throw a punch to his face.

But Jim should have remembered how fast and strong his first officer was – Spock caught his punch and pinned his wrist to the wall beside his head. When Jim swung with the other fist, the half Vulcan repeated his maneuver, pinning both of Jim's wrists to the wall and then forcing them together up over his head – holding them there with one hand and roughly pressing his body up against Jim, stopping his legs from kicking out as well.

"Savak has attempted to elicit an emotional response from me two hundred and forty-four times," Spock told him. "Insults against my mother and father began when I was at the age of eleven – resulting in the first time I became emotionally compromised. Since that time, I fully adhered to the principles of Surak, despite his verbal and physical attacks."

Jim felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. He could not believe that he had slept with someone who bullied Spock so extensively throughout his childhood - who had insulted Spock's mother and father and made Spock so ashamed of his human half. So ashamed that Spock refused to show his mother just how much she meant to him – just how emotional she could make him.

No wonder Spock was angry enough to get physically violent…At this thought, Jim relaxed a bit in Spock's hold – physically struggling would not help at this point.

Jim had to look at this logically – because it was unlikely that Spock would in this state. There was no way Jim could have known how Savak treated Spock – if he had, he would have punched the little shit in the face and never let him anywhere near his dick.

"I'm sorry, Spock," he apologized again. "If I had known that he was such a bastard to you, I never would have slept with him."

"As I have previously stated, Savak's parents were married at the time of his conception," Spock responded stiffly. "And apologies are illogical, Captain. I simply wished for you to be aware of the circumstances of my relations with Savak – and as such, you now know that he engaged in sexual relations with you for the sole purpose of engendering an emotional reaction from me."

Jim looked at Spock with wide blue eyes. His first officer's face was now millimeters away from his own – and Spock's voice was low and rough, obvious signs of strong emotion.

But it was his eyes…

"He succeeded," Spock growled, pushing forward and claiming Jim's lips for his own.

Jim felt as if his mouth was under attack by Spock's lips and tongue and teeth – he could taste the copper of his own blood as his lip split under the battering. He could not believe this was happening. This was Spock – his friend – violently assaulting him in a manner that could not be construed as anything other than sexual. He needed to get away – snap Spock out of his rage and calm him down and get him to talk about it.

He did not want this to destroy his friendship with Spock – and maybe the possibility for more, if Spock was acting out of anything other than anger…


	2. Chapter 2 of 3

"Spock," he gasped, managing to jerk his head away.

Jim could see that his first officer was not deterred – he simply dipped his head down further to nip and bite at the sensitive skin of Jim's neck.

"What – what about Uhura?" Jim questioned, struggling weakly under the assault.

That wasn't what he meant to say – but it was kind of hard to get his thoughts in order with Spock sucking on the sensitive skin of his neck like that…

He could not help the pain-filled gasp that escaped his lips as Spock's teeth bit down hard – drawing blood near his clavicle. He could feel the sticky red substance seeping out and staining his yellow tunic.

"Lieutenant Uhura and I ceased our romantic association 5.2 months ago," Spock informed him – still exact even as he tore the shirt from Jim's body.

"Spock – stop it!" Jim demanded, struggling against the inhumanly strong hand pinning his wrists above his head.

But it was futile.

"Did you ask Savak to stop?" Spock questioned, ripping Jim's black undershirt off as well – and then dropping his fingers to Jim's belt.

"No," Jim admitted. "But Spock – I would have, had I known. Can't we talk about this?"

"No."

Jim closed his eyes as his belt was unbuckled, and his pants were unbuttoned and unzipped and pushed to bunch around his boots.

He could not believe this was happening. This was Spock – his friend, his first officer, the man he trusted with his life…

"Why are you doing this, Spock?" he asked in a small voice, as Spock's hot hand moved to the band of his briefs.

"I stood aside, content with my position as your first officer and close friend, when I believed that you held no appreciation for the male form. Savak disproved that hypothesis and claimed your body for his own – and I will no longer stand aside," Spock informed him, pushing Jim's briefs down to join his slacks.

"Even if I don't want this?" Jim questioned seriously, almost resigned to the impending violation as Spock began to focus on getting unclothed as well.

The Vulcan's hands stilled at his own belt.

"You truly do not wish to have sexual intercourse with me?" he questioned, voice even and face composed in his emotionless mask.

"Not like this," Jim admitted. "Not against the wall with my pants around my knees and Savak's bite marks still littering my skin along with yours. Not with blood and bruises and spit. Spock – I thought…I thought you were with Uhura. And I didn't know about your history with Savak. If we do this now – this is going to destroy our friendship, forget about anything more. No matter how much I might care for you, I won't be able to get over you raping me," Jim told him.

The half Vulcan recoiled – his hands falling to his sides as he took a few steps back, giving Jim the space he needed to pull his briefs and pants back up. A quick glance at the floor showed that he would have to go to his closet if he wanted to wear a shirt.

"I…I am sorry, Captain," Spock apologized, bringing his hands behind his back in his typical stance.

Jim would bet anything that his fists would be tightly clenched.

"I thought you said apologies were illogical?" Jim tried to tease lightly.

He hid his wince when all he got in response was a flat stare.

"No harm, no foul, Spock," the human told his first officer. "Now…why don't we take some time and calm down, huh? Return to duty for now, and we'll talk about this after dinner, okay? Say, 2100 here? Maybe play some chess."

"You should call security, Captain," Spock told him evenly, ignoring his suggestions. "Attempted rape is a felony under Federation Code…"

"Spock!" Jim gently interrupted before his first officer started reciting protocol. "I told you – no harm, no foul. You stopped when you realized that I was serious."

"You are bleeding and bruised," the Vulcan replied, eyes locked on the blood trailing from his captain's neck down his chest, and then trailing down to Jim's wrists – which were red and already blossoming purple in the outline of merciless Vulcan fingers.

"I've had worse," Jim told him. "And Bones will fix it right up in a second if I go to sickbay."

"The doctor will want to know how you acquired such wounds," Spock pointed out.

"I'll tell him that the sex got a little rough last night. Like I said – I've had worse," Jim said.

"If you do not wish for me to take you against the wall, you will cease such statements," the Vulcan threatened.

Jim blinked in shock for a few seconds.

"Wow…that was kind of hot," he admitted. "That's something we'll talk about tonight, too."

"I do not understand what you wish to discuss, Captain," Spock admitted.

"We'll start with your possessiveness, and how you really have no grounds for it," Jim told him. "And then maybe we'll end with establishing grounds for it. You're very attractive, Spock – and more than that, you're my first officer and my friend. I like you as a person, and I trust you a lot. If you…if you did what you just did because you were not sure how to express your emotions towards me, then maybe talking it out is the only solution. Because we can't have just a one off, Spock – it would not be good for either our personal or professional relationship.

Spock nodded in acquiesce.

"Then I shall come to your quarters at 2100, Captain," he agreed, showing that he had been listening to Jim earlier. "I shall resume my duties on the bridge as ordered. Perhaps you should see Doctor McCoy now to get your wounds treated."

Spock's words might have been a suggestion, but his tone implied otherwise.

Jim inwardly smiled as the half Vulcan gracefully exited the room – that was the Spock he knew and loved.

Loved?

God – he really needed to talk to Bones.

*****

Jim walked into sickbay, hiding his winces at the aches from his ass and the bite marks on his neck and the bruises on his wrists – Vulcans were not good for his health.

And if Bones knew exactly what happened, his best friend would certainly agree and grumble 'I told you so' until he was blue in the face…

"Captain," Nurse Chapel greeted upon catching sight of him. "Doctor McCoy is in his office."

"Thank you, Nurse," he replied – for once not even bothering to flirt with the pretty blonde before entering the CMO's office.

Jim sat gingerly at the edge of Bones's desk – getting in between his friend and his PADDs. He got a heavy scowl for his troubles.

"Hey, Bones."

"What do you want?" the doctor asked gruffly, reaching around Jim to grab his work.

"I need your loving doctoring – and then I need you to listen to me spill my woes," Jim replied in a careless tone – but Bones knew him better than that.

The doctor heard the truth in his best friend's words – and it got him to put his paperwork down and focus on the blond. Jim sat patiently as Bones grabbed the tricorder and began to scan him.

"Goddammit, Jim!" he grumbled, looking at the readings. "What did you do? Go three rounds at a bar and lose – and then participate in a gangbang with you as the centerpiece?"

"Just fix me up, and then we can talk," his friend told him.

Jim saw when Bones realized just how much pain he was in – because the doctor gently gave him a hypospray and then ran the dermal regenerator over his bruises and bite marks. Then he pulled him into a private medical ward to work on the less accessible damage…

*****

"Now are you going to tell me what happened?" the doctor asked, coaxing Jim back into his office and onto the CMO's comfy chair. "The grapevine is buzzing like crazy about you having sex with a Vulcan – but not all of your wounds were from last night. Don't think you can fool me, kid. That bite on your neck can't have happened more than half an hour ago, as it was only just beginning to clot."

Well, so much for blaming everything on the sex getting a little rough last night…

"I did have sex with a Vulcan," Jim admitted with a small embarrassed blush. "I snuck out this morning without saying goodbye, and I guess he didn't appreciate it. Savak used his status as an ambassadorial aide to hail the bridge, and I accepted, thinking it was just some diplomat wanting to wish us all well on our trip out. But then Savak's face came up – and he knew Spock, and Spock knew him. It looked like it was going to get ugly, so I gave Spock the conn and had the transmission transferred to my room. But Spock followed after a few minutes and just burst into my quarters while I was talking with Savak – and then Savak insulted Spock's mother and father and questioned his logic and said that Spock was obviously emotional about me, and that's why he slept with me, and…"

"Jim – breathe! Goddammit, don't you dare go into shock!" Bones ordered, shaking his shoulders a bit and snapping him out of his babbling.

Jim breathed – and then he calmly told Bones the entire story, including the part where Spock manhandled him, tore his clothes off and would have raped him had Jim not pointed out that was exactly what it was.

"Goddamn that fucking green-blooded hobgoblin," Bones snarled, reaching for a hypospray and loading it with what Jim recognized as a sedative.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked, alarmed as Bones began to stalk for the door.

It was never good when Bones started grabbing for hypos and nobody was injured!

"I'm going up to the bridge to give that fucking pointy-eared elf a piece of my mind," the doctor told him. "And then I'm calling security and having them throw him in the brig for attempted rape and assault of a superior officer and insubordination and any other charge I can get to stick."

Shit! Jim should have known that would be the doctor's reaction. Bones didn't trust Spock at all – not after the half Vulcan had nearly strangled Jim to death on the Narada. And this obviously proved to him that Spock deserved his distrust and dislike – and maybe even hatred…

"No!" the captain shouted, insinuating himself between his protective best friend and the door.

"Are you out of your ever-loving mind, man?"

And his eyebrow was in the furious, ready-to-kill position, too…Spock was going to be in trouble if Jim couldn't calm Bones down. For that matter, Bones would be in trouble too. Spock was still his superior officer – and he had a mean nerve pinch, along with superhuman strength and reflexes.

"He was upset – but he stopped. And I shouldn't have slept with a Vulcan – especially one in diplomacy. With Spock's father being an ambassador, I should have guessed that they would have known each other. And then Savak insulted Spock's mom – and surely you haven't forgotten what _that_ does to him," Jim said, trying to steer Bones away from the door.

"Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a battered wife trying to convince herself that she deserved to be beaten – and that her husband only did it out of love," Bones shouted, turning to grab another hypo and filling it with another sedative.

Jim was not a battered wife! He could take care of himself. After his childhood, he certainly knew how to recognize an abusive situation. If Spock's treatment of him ever devolved into anything remotely resembling abuse, Jim would not stand for it.

Besides, he wouldn't be able to hide anything from Bones that long. And then Spock would have more than just a sedative to worry about…

"It's nothing I can't handle," he told Bones. "I just…I wanted to talk to you before I talked to Spock tonight. And keep that away from me!"

Jim backed away from his friend with his hands raised in defense. He knew Bones was a bit overprotective, and that he wouldn't hesitate to sedate Jim in order to get to Spock on the bridge. Jim appreciated his best friend's loyalty and caring, but sometimes he took it too far. Even if Bones did sometimes know better, Jim was an adult – he could make his own mistakes and take care of himself. At least he really didn't have to worry about Bones declaring him emotionally compromised – because then Spock would be Acting Captain…

"What do you mean – before you talk to that bastard? He's going to be in the brig. The next time you'll have to see him is when you testify at his court-martial," the doctor bellowed – but he put the hypos down.

Thank god. Getting Bones away from his medical equipment was the first step…

"We're going to play chess tonight," Jim explained. "And Spock is not going to be court- martialed. No one but us will ever know what happened in my rooms today – right?!"

"I've done a lot of shit for you, Jim – but I don't know if I can do this. He _hurt_ you. He almost _raped_ you. And now you want me to sit back and do nothing? While you – what? Sit down and calmly discuss it over _chess_?" Bones asked incredulously.

"Yes."

The doctor palmed his face in frustration.

"Jim…"

"I know it sounds crazy. But…But I care about him a lot. He's the best first officer in the Fleet, and he's a good friend, and…and I think he can be more. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I think – I think I love him," Jim admitted.

Bones stared at him, gobsmacked.

"And you realized this – what? When he was pulling your clothes off and attempting to _rape_ you?!"

"Shhh!" Jim shushed him. "Don't say that so loud."

Jim really didn't want the nurses to hear that…

Bones grabbed his arm and forced him back down on the office chair, pulling out his tricorder and scanning Jim's head.

"What are you doing?" the captain questioned.

"Looking for signs of a head injury," his best friend informed him. "Because if I can't find one, I'm going to have Spock court-martialed for using his freaky psychic powers on you, too."

Jim blinked in shock.

"Spock didn't meld with me," he protested.

"That's what you think," Bones muttered to himself. "But I'm sure if he did, he could wipe the memory of it from your mind."

"Then why wouldn't he just wipe the entire memory of the encounter from my mind?" Jim pointed out logically.

"Who knows how that green-blooded bastard thinks?" the doctor scowled. "No head injuries that I can tell."

"Spock didn't force me to love him. I just…I thought he was with Uhura, you know? He never told me otherwise, and I didn't pry into his private life. And…and maybe I used Savak as a substitute? For what Spock couldn't give me – or for what I thought Spock couldn't give me. And I don't want this to end before it even begins. We've both made mistakes, but I'm hoping we can both get over them, and move on," Jim desperately tried to explain in a way that would make sense.

Bones sat down heavily on the desk, putting down the tricorder and sighing.

"I'm listening, kid," he said with a scowl. "And I won't call security – yet. But I'll be keeping a real close eye on the two of you – and if he so much as gives you a paper cut, he'll be in the brig so fast you'll both get whiplash."

"There's no paper on the ship to get a paper cut with," Jim pointed out with a relieved smile.

The glare he got in response for being a smart ass was so worth it.

And it was times like these that he remembered just why Bones was his best friend.


	3. Chapter 3 of 3

_A few hours later…_

"Good evening, Captain."

"Hey, Spock," Jim greeted nervously when his first officer entered his rooms at 2100. After getting treated for his injuries and talking with Bones, he had resumed his duties on the bridge.

The tension on the bridge had been unbelievable. Jim and Spock were ignoring each other – though Jim could have sworn that he felt the half Vulcan's eyes on him whenever he was not looking. And he knew he was not imagining the way Uhura was looking at him – disbelieving and faintly disapproving.

He was not sure whether she was more shocked about the fact that he had the sex with a male or with a Vulcan.

Chekov and Sulu focused on their work with determination, thankfully – Jim knew he could always count on their professionalism.

He would pay them back by not commenting on the looks they occasionally exchanged off-duty. It was just a matter of time…

But now was not the time to think about that. Spock was in his room – and they were going to play chess and talk.

"I set up the chess board already. Um…you had dinner, right? I guess I could get some coffee or something delivered, if you were hungry. I mean – I know Vulcans don't eat as much as Terrans, but…"

"I do not require sustenance, Captain," Spock interrupted calmly.

"Oh."

Jim stared down at the floor, trying to collect his thoughts and calm his racing heart. Now that he was alone with Spock, he could not deny it to himself – he was frightened.

He had been a bit cautious of riling Spock's temper after almost being strangled on the bridge during the Narada incident, but defeating Nero and saving Earth together had helped Jim get over it. A few nightmares over the first few weeks they worked together – and then they went on their first away mission, and everything just clicked.

But this was different. This was not going to be solved by a near-death experience. Jim trusted Spock, maybe even loved him – and Spock almost raped him.

The captain just kept reminding himself that Spock stopped when he realized that Jim truly did not want to have sex. He needed to trust in Spock – in their history and their friendship. Otherwise, there was no point in even discussing a romantic relationship…

"Chess, Captain?" Spock prompted after a few moments of silence.

"Oh…yeah," Jim murmured, an embarrassed blush heating his cheeks.

He was still kind of out of it…

They sat down on opposite sides of the board and began to play. Jim had thought constantly about what he intended to say tonight – but that didn't make it any easier to start talking.

And Spock certainly wasn't going to start.

So they played chess in total silence – with none of the companionable banter that usually accompanied their matches.

"Check," Spock declared evenly, moving his rook even with Jim's king.

Jim looked down at the board, realizing he was trapped. He could move one space out of the way – and then Spock's queen would checkmate him. Jim could have tipped his king over in surrender, but instead he moved that one, futile space.

And then he kept his hand on his king, staring at the piece.

Trapped…

"I don't want to be trapped, Spock," Jim whispered softly, not meeting his first officer's eyes.

"Perhaps you will win next time, Captain," Spock offered.

He chuckled bitterly.

"Will you call me Jim, Spock? I don't…I don't want that distance right now. And I'm not talking about chess, either."

Spock did not respond, watching Jim carefully.

"I don't want to be trapped," he repeated. "I don't…I care about you a lot, Spock. You and Bones – you're my best friends. But…but it takes a lot for me to trust someone, personally. You know that professionally there is no one I trust more than you, but personally…You almost _raped_ me, Spock."

Jim nearly whispered the last bit – he was kind of afraid that saying it out loud somehow made it more true.

It was ridiculous.

No – it was worse than ridiculous.

It was _illogical_.

"My actions warrant due punishment, Captain," Spock informed him, voice tight. "I will go to the brig now, if that is your order."

"Goddammit, Spock!" Jim shouted, standing roughly and knocking the board off the table, the pieces noisily clattering to the floor. "My name is Jim! I'm not talking to you as your captain right now – I'm talking to you as someone who loves you – who wants more than simple friendship but is fucking afraid, okay? Is that what you want to hear – that I'm afraid of you? You're three times stronger than me. If you wanted…if you intended…I couldn't stop you."

Jim wiped frantically at his eyes as he turned away, trying to keep the tears from falling and the sobs inside.

"Jim…that is not what I want to hear," the half Vulcan replied softly, tentatively reaching forward to lay a gentle hand on his captain's back. "I do not wish to cause you distress."

The blond let out a laugh that nearly came out as a sob – or maybe it was the other way around.

"Well, you did."

Way to state the obvious…

"How may I make amends?" Spock questioned, rubbing Jim's back awkwardly in an attempt to comfort.

Jim relaxed into the gentle touch, nothing like his first officer's earlier brutal grip – the one that had left finger-shaped bruise bracelets on both his wrists before Bones healed him.

"I'm going to need time," Jim told him.

"I will not pressure you for anything you are not willing to give," the half Vulcan promised, gently turning his captain to face him.

Jim hesitated, before raising his eyes from the floor to look Spock in the eye. His first officer removed his hand from his shoulder to softly caress his cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tears pooling in the corners of Jim's blue eyes.

"What…what about pon farr?" Jim asked hesitantly. "You either have sex, or you die. So you either have sex with me, or you have sex with someone else and I lose you, or you don't have sex and you die."

"As Doctor McCoy would say, 'We will cross that bridge when we come to it,'" Spock replied evenly, leaning forward slowly – stopping a few millimeters before his lips touched Jim's in a kiss.

Jim knew that Spock was giving him the choice – showing him that it was entirely up to him.

He leaned forward for a sweet, chaste kiss – lasting no more than a second – before pulling back to smile hesitantly.

"We still need to talk more," Jim told him. "And I need to give you Bones's warning, because you really don't want him to slip you some nasty virus during your next routine physical, do you?"

Jim pulled Spock over to the couch, relieved when the half Vulcan allowed himself to be moved – because the blond knew that he could not physically force his first officer to move if he did not wish to do so.

They left the chess set on the floor, pieces scattered. Later – after Spock left – Jim would notice that his king landed on his "feet", while Spock's was on its side.

Just like the Kobayashi Maru…

Rather than be trapped, Jim changed the parameters. It was not cheating - when his back was against the wall, he just played a different game…

There was no such thing as a no-win scenario.


End file.
